There is zero chance Luke has fallen to the Dark Side, so stop clingingto the idea

We're less than a month away from Star Wars: Episode 7: The Force Awakens. We've had 3 trailers (4 if you count the international trailer) and 4 TV spots. We've seen a substantial amount of official pictures and about a dozen behind the scenes articles, and yet, through it all, there's been one thing that's been missing: Luke Skywalker.

This lack of the main character of the original trilogy has lead to some very vocal speculation that Luke Skywalker has fallen to the Dark Side. Some people have, very foolishly, claimed that Luke is Kylo Ren (despite the fact that we know unequivocally that Adam Driver is playing Kylo Ren, a fact confirmed by pictures). Others claim that Luke is perhaps the leader of the Knights of Ren, or perhaps some other leader of The First Order.

All of these theories are absolutely wrong. Not only do these theories contradict what was presented in the original Star Wars trilogy, but it goes against the information we've been given in the Force Friday books, and the Shattered Empire comics.

Let me digress for a moment.

 

One of the primary footholds that the "Luke is Dark" supporters constantly point to is a pitched ending for Return of the Jedi. According to io9 "In the transcript of the story session with Lucas and [Lawrence] Kasdan, Lucas says: 'Luke takes his mask off. The mask is the very last thing — and then Luke puts it on and says, "Now I am Vader." Surprise! The ultimate twist. "Now I will go and kill the [Rebel] fleet and I will rule the universe."' Kasdan immediately responded, 'That's what I think should happen'".

It's easy to see why this proposed ending provides such a sticking point for Dark Side supporters, but it seems fairly clear that this was never a seriously considered ending. This quote very much sounds like George Lucas throwing out the most absurd ending he could think of, which is why he dubs it "the ultimate twist". Kasdan affirms this with a sort of "well of course!" response, that again doesn't seem like legitimate support.

Now, obviously we're dealing strictly with words on a page, with no inflection, the absolute lack of foreshadowing of a fall for Luke speaks to the fact that this was not a legitimately considered ending. Every twist, whether isn't Norman Bates being Mother, or Bruce Willis being a ghost, must be foreshadowed in order for it to make sense within the context of the story. There is simply no foreshadowing to Luke falling to the Sith. At every juncture, Luke takes the path of the Light Side, even of it's not the path that Yoda or Obi-Wan would have liked.

The Untastic Four or What went wrong with Fant4stic (Part Three)

Okay, I'm hoping that this is the last installment. I've already put more effort into deconstructing why this movie doesn't work than Josh Trank or Fox put into making it. I also did it for a fraction of the price (0/120,000,000).

Well, it's not wrong...

Now, that we've discussed the issues the film has with story structure and character, in addition to it's determined attempts to avoid any sort of Superhero elements, lets discuss the last real point...

Why the plot of the film didn't work, and doesn't hold together.

"BECAUSE REASONS" IS NOT A PLOT

As I mentioned before, the movie starts with Reed talking about building a transporter in 5th grade, and his teacher mocks him. He then shows Ben the half working teleporter. We then jump to Reed and Ben at 17, when they've built the teleporter and attempts to present it at a science fair, only to have the same 5th grade teacher say that they're disqualified because the fair is for "science not magic". Immediately thereafter he's approached by Dr. Franklin Storm who recruits Reed, and only Reed, to the Baxter Foundation.

There are several major problems right here, and they fall on both character and plot.

Reed in a genius. Sure, a teacher may have laughed at him in 5th grade, but since then for him to build a teleporter, he should be testing off the charts on every science exam and be a member of MENSA. He's not some D- student who would lack not only a grasp of the science necessary to make teleportation possible, but also the inherent skill to make such a device possible.


So, why do the teachers just assume that the teleporter is a magic trick? The only explanation is "because reasons". The plot requires that no one but Dr. Storm see Reeds genius, so no one else does, and it makes absolutely no sense.

The Untastic Four or What went wrong with Fant4stic (Part Two)

Okay, so I've discussed the structural problems with Fant4stic, and they're pretty big. In fact, they're probably responsible for 60% of what's making this movie so reviled. However, structure's not the only problem.

CHARTERS IN THE LOOSEST SENSE OF THE WORD

As I said before, Act One of Fant4stic takes up about an hour (plus or minute depending on where you think it ends). During that hour, we are introduced to our main 4 protagonists (Reed, Sue, Johnny, and Ben), our eventual antagonist (Victor Von Doom), and our two main supporting players (Franklin Storm and Harvey Elder/Allen). We have a solid uninterrupted hour with these folks before super powers come into play. An hour in which to build these characters. That's an obscene amount of time for a movie that's not a character piece (I'm looking at you There Will Be Blood).

And yet, it means absolutely nothing. You can list on one hand the things you know about these characters before they get powers.

Reed: Smart. Socially awkward. Likes 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea.
Ben: Abusive childhood. Kind of wishes he were as smart as Reed.
Sue: Good at patterns. Likes Portishead. Adopted.
Johnny: Doesn't like authority. Likes street racing. Supposedly good at building things.
Victor: Has a crush on Sue. Said to be lonely.

And, that's about it. We spend an hour with these people, and we end up knowing less about the than I might learn about someone by chatting with them in line at Chipotle.

Or at the counter of a Denny's in the Negative Zone

So where did all that time go?

The Untastic Four or What went wrong with Fant4stic (Part One)

Unless you live under a rock, you know that Fant4stic, the latest attempt for Fox to keep the rights to the Fantastic 4, is a giant bomb.

There's a lot of fairly universal complaints, and a lot of finger pointing in terms of who messed up what. Director Josh Trank is pointing at Fox, with some anonymous inside sources supporting this argument in part. The studio appears to be pointing at Josh Trank, since it's well publicized that they mandated a large amount of reshooting and the involvement of Mathew Vaughn (who made such amazing comic book films as X-Men: First Class, Kick-Ass, and Kingsman).

I think there's enough evidence on the table to lay some blame, and it creates a pretty clear image of why the movie is bad. So, lets get into it.